Voicemail
My best friend left me this voicemail over the weekend. I can’t believe I’m just now hearing it. This is why we’re friends:
So I’m reading through our old Facebook messages… I just want you to know what a stone-cold bitch I used to be/still might be. Here’s a message… an email that I wrote you on September 4, 2006. Get ready for the cuntiest email you’ve ever heard.
I wrote… “went on [girl from high school]’s Facebook. I didn’t even know that A) she had one or B) that we were friends, and I almost congratulated her default picture for being the most photogenic I’d seen her. But then I realized the picture was of a horse, and not her. My bad?”
OH MY GOD. I mean, I understand why we were friends, I understand why I was, like, way more entertaining back then but what a…. Anyway, call me back when you get this.
