Nº. 1 of  107

SERVED WITH A SIDE OF SARCASM

SOPHISTICATED IGNORANCE

Senility, followed by obesity

I was listening to a song and misheard the lyrics “heart on your sleeve” as “hot onion sleeve”

Had to take a picture because otherwise who would notice this post?
Also, unintentional Lana Del Rey promo? As long as the saying Ms. Del Rey claims they’ve got down on the West Coast is, “Applying for jobs is soul-crushing,” because that’s what I’ve got going on now. And really that was the whole point of this post that you wouldn’t have otherwise read if my face wasn’t up there. Boom.

Had to take a picture because otherwise who would notice this post?

Also, unintentional Lana Del Rey promo? As long as the saying Ms. Del Rey claims they’ve got down on the West Coast is, “Applying for jobs is soul-crushing,” because that’s what I’ve got going on now. And really that was the whole point of this post that you wouldn’t have otherwise read if my face wasn’t up there. Boom.

Low Points in Life

  1. Getting excited because you’ve never seen the iTunes visualizer do that before.
  2. Having what was supposed to be a productive day turn into you obsessing over your sunglasses tan

Important things you didn’t know happened on Twitter

Naughty by nature like I’m hip-hop hooray

Naughty by nature like I’m hip-hop hooray

Facebook Etiquette

If you write a Facebook status like “just-out-of-the-shower poems are the best poems!” like… what’s your game, friend? Am I supposed to engage you and ask for more details, or if I could read this mysterious, brilliant shower-induced poem? Would you send it to people who asked, or would you be all cutesy and coy about being embarrassed to share it (pro-tip: there’s nothing cute about that behavior)? Or am I supposed to see it as a weird cry for attention and #LOLno, not gonna give you the satisfaction, so I just take a screenshot of your status and drop it in a group text so we can complain about the status writer? What’s the proper etiquette in a situation like that?

"Sorry, I was reading Tara Reid’s Twitter"

The best excuse anyone’s ever given me for anything

SMS (Bangerz)

SMS (Bangerz)

Kylie Minogue and a pug. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Kylie Minogue and a pug. Two great tastes that taste great together.

White girl problems

24 hours later, and my face still hasn’t decided if it’s tan or burnt.

Nº. 1 of  107